Welcome back! This has been so fun to start sharing my perspective and thoughts that go through my mind. To the reader, I hope you can connect or relate to what I have to say somehow. I hope you have an open mind and heart to this world. With that I am so glad you are here and read on!
I always have a habit of being in nostalgia. I have been told that if you experience nostalgia then that is proof that you are living a life worth living, and that is hopeful to me. I tend to miss certain times in my life, experiences, or even people. Or I will be in a moment and think, I never want this to end.
I will tell myself , you are going to miss this.
I used to write to my great grandma, Muh, and that is somewhat the reason I got into writing. In one of her letters to me she wrote,” It is a privilege to be alive. It is a privilege to love. To talk. To create things. It is a joy to be alive. But sometimes it is so immensely painful. Sometimes it hurts to be alive. It is all apart of one feeling. They don’t cancel out one another. I just love being alive, because I am alive.”
I am so grateful for her. Instilling in me how wonderful it is that I get to be here, and especially that I got to be loved by her.
There are so many things that I miss. I miss the freedom in my indecision (SO much), the proximity of my friends, late night drives with the windows down with my best friends, staying up late talking, lowkey house parties, the memories we make 100% outweighing the money we spend, I miss the “old days”.
What makes me emotional and making me tear up writing this, is some things I will never get to experience again. Like, living with my sisters, having my family in one state, sleepovers on the floor at Muh’s, all my cousins and I hanging out like it used to be, Delta Gamma, college, little random trips, like one to go see the sun rise, so many different things. But change is good…
So they say.
To me it is so beautiful, to grow up. To see all the people you have ever loved grow into the people they are supposed to become. To see things we used to talk about when we were kids come true. I feel like it isn’t talked about enough because we all go through it but there is just something so special in it. People on so many different paths, trying to figure out what to do with each of our lives. No one is correct and no one is wrong. What a relief!
Reminder: Comparison is the thief of joy. We are all just trying to do as good as we can. What comforts me is that we’re never really ever going to figure it out. You’re never going to figure out the world, or why the things that happened to you happened, or how to guarantee your future is faultless. You will NEVER figure out how to perfect your existence because it was never meant to be perfected.
To all my loved ones, please know I cheer for you still, even if we aren’t as close anymore. I think of you, I miss the memories we have together, but I am hopeful we will find our ways back to making memories. We are all just trying to figure out what is next.
But I mean, you will figure out what you like on your sandwiches, what kind of people you want to surround yourself with, you will figure out what places make you feel at home, you will figure out what ignites your passions, you’ll figure out how to stand up for yourself, you’ll figure out how to forgive and let go, you’ll figure out how to heal, you’ll figure out how to be kind to the most broken parts of yourself, and because you will figure all of this out, you will figure out how to embrace life. It will be yours.
No one can stop us from growing up. Focus on being in the present view. Do not miss what is abundantly in front of you by fixating on what is ahead of you. You are going to miss this.
With so much love,
Emi Sue
Leave a Reply