Meet Me Where I Am.

Happy Halloween! I hope you all are well and hanging in there. Because ya girl is hanging by a thread.

I have never not known what I wanted out of life. My dreams and goals have always been vivid but also set at a high standard for myself. I think it is because I hold myself to such high standards. But these past couple of months, everything I had been reaching for, or everything I have ever wanted suddenly feels hollow.  The things I once wanted, no longer sparkling. 

Feeling completely lost. Not knowing who I am anymore. Or even who I want to be. Is the answer simple? Is this the feeling of unhappiness? Or just uncertainty? Some people say this is what growing up feels like.

In today’s society our good is never good enough.

And when you think about it, if you want to live a slower paced life, in today’s society slowing down means giving up. Because here, in America, everything is go, go, go. Because the world does not want us to be fulfilled.  The world wants us to keep wanting. 

In our little corporate world we’re supposed to want to climb the ladder higher and higher and higher. Graduating school is hardly admirable unless you do something with your degree.  Getting the job is a moment of joy until anxiety about keeping the job quickly replaces it.

There is always something better. We can not just be content with what we have. There is always another dream to chase, a goal to hit, but at the same time in this society you will never be good enough.

In a sense this literally is the definition of the AMERICAN DREAM.

I don’t want to choose that.

This is a societal norm that so many of us get caught up in. And for what? Thinking that you are actually successful. Because this idea of “success” is a trap.

The thought that success is how much money you make, or what title you hold at work, how nice your house is, the way you dress, is all a social construct to get us all to never be fulfilled with what we have.

I won’t fall into this trap. I know what success looks like to me. I don’t need to keep chasing it, because I already have it.

Success to me will be when I make it out of this uncertainty part of my life with the courage to dream again. It is living in the present, and taking it slow. Soaking all of this in and being grateful for this life. Success to me is freedom. You are the person that gets to decide your success. We hold all of the power in our lives.

Do not let other people dictate your success. Do not let work or school define you. Do not let societal stigmas and norms make you feel like you do not fit in to the crowd. You are successful in all the ways that YOU want to be.

Being a young 23 year old, who always feels like the odd man out because of the way I think. I feel so alone sometimes, thinking I am the only one feeling this way, or constantly feeling stuck. Challenging the status quo, wanting more out of my life, wanting to feel and experience everything I can. Am I crazy?

WHAT AM I LONGING FOR? This is the real question.

I often think of the nicest thing anyone has ever told me before, this comes from sweet Abby Martin. Abby if you are reading I hope you remember this and I hope you are doing okay, you said this as we were walking through an airport and you were telling me that during the flight you listened to Landslide by Fleetwood Mac basically the whole time. A great song. You then began explaining to me what the deep meaning behind that song is, you said,” Basically she’s terrified of change and terrified of people leaving her because she thinks her life is based around this person and doesn’t trust her own self but it’s not, because she actually goes into every chapter of life and thrives and that’s you.” Just wanted to say thanks miss Abby.

As I am navigating this weird time of my life I am holding onto the fact that I am kind of thankful for this exploration period. Figuring out who I want to be. And can I break the cycle?

If anything out of this, I hope this brings you hope and courage to want more out of this life. To not settle for anything that you don’t deserve. Spend time with friends. Buy a coffee. Sing loud. And love hard. Because our lives are way too short to chase something that is not fulfilling to us. Enjoy the slow and beautiful parts of your day because one day we are going to wish we took it in more.

Is anyone struggling with this weird period of life? What do you dream of?

I would love to hear from you, share the love below.

So much love,

Emi Sue