Meet Me Where I Am.

What a year it has been. One with so much gratitude, love, pain, growth, reflection, and purpose. 

Hello! I hope you are well. Everytime I write a post it is funny because I listen to one song the whole time. So every blog post that I write I have one song tied to it because I listen to it on repeat until I am done. I thought I would start sharing the song that is actually on repeat right now as I write this. Then you can turn it on and listen. For this post the song on repeat is: Call It Dreaming by Iron & Wine.

Now that you are really tuned in, I figured I would write about 2024 and what it has been/ done for me. 

I wish I could look myself in the mirror back at the beginning of the year and tell myself to buckle the fuck up. 

I wish I could tell myself that you will go through some of the biggest tribulations you have ever been through, and I wish I could tell myself that it will be okay and that we will get through it.

I would somehow try to tell myself that even through the struggles of 2024 that I will get to experience profound joy, laughter, and love. I wish I could hold you by the hands and tell you to keep dreaming big and to calm your fears about the future. Looking back at myself I have totally changed who I am, and for the better. I love myself enough to know that being human is to feel and experience it all. 

I challenge you to find what makes you feel good.

I started prioritizing my writing because it does make me feel good. I started therapy because I finally started taking my own advice that I  would give to other people. And when you love, love hard. It is so hard to see the man I love the most, my Papa, losing his mind slowly, and him clinging to his memories, and us, and my sweet Gran. I have realized that just by us being human we must experience suffering. While this is hard for us, it puts into perspective what is most important to us.

I sit here in complete awe with how far we have come. I am so proud of myself. On the days that I thought were never going to end or get better, here we are. I am filled with so much gratitude. 

What I look forward to is continuing to better myself. Building myself back up to the confident, lowkey funny, and hopeful being that I am. I am more aware of my journey and the privilege it is that I get to be here. That someone else is dreaming they had my “normal” day. To be in the present.  

The top 10 lessons I have learned this year in 2024:

1. You CANNOT find peace by avoiding life. Put yourself first, for once. 
2. You cannot save people, you can only love them.
3. Soft does not mean weak.
4. It is such a privilege to be here.
5. Accept everything as it is! Just by being human we have experienced suffering.
6. There are no lost opportunities, everything “lost” was never mine.
7. Your “normal” day is someone’s dream, so be thankful. 
8. Travel isn’t always pretty. It isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it hurts, it may even break your heart. And that is okay, the journey changes you. 
9. Slow down. Take it all in, cherish the little moments, because one day we will be looking back and wishing we had taken more time to really soak it in.
10. There is so much more. 

I wish I could go back to the beginning of the year and give myself a hug. And tell myself that it will all be okay. 

To the person I was in January,

You have no idea how good it is going to get.

In 2024, I kept going back to this poem by Mary Oliver. It opens your eyes that there is so much more to live for. I helped me get through so much in 2024, maybe you can relate to it.