There’s so much I want to do in this life. So much I want to be. So many versions of me that feel unfinished, waiting patiently in the wind. I want to help people. I want to park a big ole semi truck. I want to write something that moves someone. I want to open a little coffee shop where people can connect. I want to fly a plane. I want to travel and fall in love with new places and new rhythms of living. I want to speak on a stage and give my opinion. I want to make a difference. I want to make people laugh. I want to be soft. I want to be strong. I want to do it all.
And sometimes I’m scared that in wanting to be everything, I’ll end up being nothing.
It’s like I’m constantly holding this spark—this fire of wanting more, trying more, becoming more—and I’m terrified that if I spread myself too thin, it’ll burn out entirely. That I’ll try so many different things, chase so many paths, that none of them will fully stick. That I won’t leave anything solid behind. That I’ll be the girl who almost did a lot of things.
Sometimes I wish I had one singular calling. One clear direction. Something that said, “This is who you are, go become it.” But I don’t. I feel pulled in so many directions that I can’t always tell which way is forward. And in a world that glorifies specialization, that makes you pick a box and stay in it, that can feel like failure. Like restlessness is a flaw.
But what if it’s not?
What if being a little bit of everything is exactly the point? (eee errrr)
What if some of us were never meant to walk one straight line, but to take the long way—touching lives in different ways, trying on different dreams, failing sometimes, starting over, and collecting all the versions of ourselves along the way?
I’m starting to think that becoming something isn’t about arriving. It’s about evolving. It’s about allowing yourself to be curious, open, and willing. Willing to try. Willing to start. Willing to feel deeply, even when it’s messy.
Maybe I won’t become one thing.
Maybe I’ll become many things. And maybe that’s not a problem to solve, but a life to be proud of.
Because this life is short. And if I want to fill it with color and chaos and questions and meaning—I will. Even if it’s not always neat or easy to explain.
I’d rather live fully and change often than stay safe and shrink into something I never really chose. So if I become a little bit of everything, and if that means I never become just one thing… I think I’m okay with that.
Because maybe that’s not becoming nothing.
Maybe that’s becoming me.
Am I the only person to feel this way? Let me know if it is not just me or if I am crazy 🙂
Thanks for reading,
Emi Sue!
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